Not Very Whale

A media frenzy surrounded the appearance of a female northern bottle-nosed whale swimming up London's River Thames last Friday. An endangered species, the confused whale swam upstream passing the Houses of Parliament (reports that it was searching for a mate in John Prescott are as yet unfounded) while onlookers lined the banks of the river. Unfortunately, a rescue attempt failed and the whale died on Saturday.

Obviously, lifting it onto a barge to transport it back down the river contributed to its demise. Out of the water the mass of a whale's body is no longer supported and their skeletons are not designed to do so, leading to organs being compressed and breathing difficulties. Unsurprisingly, after some time on the barge the whale died.

Officially the Natural History Museum is to deal with the carcass but it remains to be seen whether whale steak becomes the dish of the week in some of London's restaurants, or Damien Hirst puts it in formaldehyde for display in the Tate Modern Gallery. [Read story]

Mouse Burns House

Karma, they say will even itself out in one way or another. One guy who obviously doesn't prescribe to this school of thought had a visit from the Karma Police when he decided to evict an unwelcome rodent squatter from his home, with fiery results.

There seems to me to be some kind of worldly justice in a mouse having been removed and thrown onto a fire by someone, then running back into that person's house whilst alight and burning it down. A case of rodent retribution! [Read story]

New Year, New Rear

Now that people have more or less recovered from the festive period, the full weight of their resolutions is coming to bear. To what am I referring? Those extra Christmas presents that people receive but do not want; the extra poundage which stares back at them from the bathroom scales, a reminder of their festive overindulgence.

The result of this being gyms filled to capacity with people who have never seen a treadmill in the rubber let alone know how to work one. It could be a new spectator sport, the January sightings of gym-shy bodies struggling to live up to their owners' New Year resolution zeal. You have to admire the effort, although sadly this sport has a very short season as by the end of January most people have given up.

A New Rear's Resolution
New Year,
Oh dear,
My rear.

Too large
It's grown,
I fear.

The gym,
excess,
will clear.

No pain,
No gain,
They say.

Blood, sweat
And tears?
No way.

My new
fat rear's
To stay.

PS - Yes, I'm obviously still drunk from the festivities - Happy New Year...